How to Cope With Missing Life’s Biggest Moments During COVID
This has been an incredibly difficult year, and it’s not over yet. People around the world have already had to skip traditional holiday celebrations, cancel weddings and other celebrations, put off visiting new babies, and even mourn lost loved ones without being able to gather together with family. Now, as we move towards the end of the year, many of us are struggling to figure out how to safely celebrate fall and winter holidays. Can we travel to see family for Thanksgiving or Christmas? How will we ring in the new year?
Some people may already be bracing themselves for a colder, lonelier fall and winter. If you have health conditions that put you in a high-risk category for the coronavirus, you may already know that traveling or allowing family or friends to visit won’t be safe for you. Others may still be hoping to travel or gather to celebrate — but even if you’re in a relatively low-risk group, chances are that someone who usually sits at your Thanksgiving table is at higher risk. Making plans this year requires delicate negotiations about safety precautions and painful trade-offs about who can and can’t be present.
In a year when we’ve already lost so much, how can we cope with sacrificing still more this fall and winter? Here are five tips for coping with missing big life moments this year:
1. Push yourself to stay active. Inaction can lead to rumination — that dark cycle where you continually dwell on negative thoughts. Even as the weather gets colder, it’s important to continue getting outside, moving your body, and filling your days with purpose. If you feel yourself getting into a rut or losing interest in certain activities, try something new. Maybe give walking meditation a try, or read your way through a list of great books that will give you a mental escape. Watch out for passive social media use — simply scrolling through others’ posts has been shown to increase symptoms of depression. If you’re on social media, make sure you’re actually using it to interact with friends.
2. Allow yourself to feel your ‘difficult’ feelings. Are you feeling jealous of or angry at friends who aren’t social distancing as strictly as you are? Are you grieving the loss of plans you’d made for this year? It’s tempting to try to dismiss negative feelings like these. Especially right now, when we’re aware that millions of people are suffering, it’s easy to tell ourselves we shouldn’t be so upset about something like missing a holiday meal or having to postpone a wedding. But beating yourself up for your feelings only gives you a second problem to deal with. Instead, listen to what your feelings are telling you. That envy might be a signal that connecting with friends is important to you. Why not pick up the phone and call someone?
3. Make time for grief and hope. The dual-process theory of grief suggests that people who are grieving typically need to move between feeling the loss and doing restorative activities. Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, frustrations with your career or schooling, or simply grieving the year you expected to have, this model may be helpful. Basically, you need to make time to cry and talk about your loss, and you need time to make plans for the future, go for walks, dive into hobbies, and so on. If you’re grieving the loss of familiar holiday rituals, let yourself feel that loss — and take time to plan something wonderful for next year that you can look forward to.
4. Practice self-compassion. This is hard. Missing out on big milestones, giving up traditional holiday gatherings, going for months and months without seeing loved ones — these things are incredibly difficult. Be gentle with yourself. Self-compassion is defined as being kind to ourselves and our imperfections; remembering that suffering is part of the common human experience; and practicing mindfulness with regard to our feelings, so that we neither deny them nor wallow in them. If you find you’re scolding yourself for not coping better, or trying to tell yourself you ‘shouldn’t complain,’ try to redirect those thoughts. Remind yourself that everyone is struggling this year. Call a friend to talk. Journal about your feelings. Try to treat yourself like you would a friend who was struggling.
5. Reach out for help. Millions of people are struggling with the same problems you’re facing. There’s no shame in admitting that you need help. On the contrary, it takes courage to face up to your own problems in this way. Lucid Lane has created free online support groups for people who are struggling with issues like anxiety and depression, chronic pain, substance use, and other challenges. Some groups are tailored to specific populations who have unique challenges right now, including healthcare workers, teachers, and new moms. All groups bring people together to talk about their common struggles.
It can be enormously comforting to know that you’re not alone. This year has brought so many challenges already. The best way to cope with these challenges is to face them head on, with help from friends, family, and a trusted professional as needed.
Visit us at Skyler Health, where we empower people to prevent and stop anxiety, pain, medication & substance dependence with professional, licensed, and vetted counselors that you can trust.
